


When you were asleep

by DaydreamDestiel



Series: Prompted Fics [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:51:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6537574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaydreamDestiel/pseuds/DaydreamDestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off the prompt "Things you said when you thought I was asleep." from anon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When you were asleep

Dean’s breathing was slow and even; he was on his stomach, blankets tangled around him and face smooshed into the cheap motel pillow. His pink lips were full and parted slightly in sleep. 

Cas watched the rise and fall of Dean’s back from the next bed. He should be sleeping too; they were going on a hunt tomorrow. The first Dean had been willing to let him tag along on in fact. 

That thought alone was enough to set off a chain reaction of emotions that left him feeling dizzy and confused; happiness that Dean was trusting him, anxiety that he would fuck it up, fear that he would be a burden, anger that he didn’t have the power to help the way he used to. 

Self-loathing coiled hot and bitter through him and he closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to push it down. Why did Dean even want him here? Want him around at all? He wasn’t useful anymore; couldn’t do anything that Sam couldn’t do better. So why didn’t Dean just tell him to get lost? 

Dean was the only thing Cas had, but _he_ wasn’t the only thing Dean had. And _that_ thought reminded him exactly why he loved Dean. Yeah, loved, and not like a friend. The difference had become painfully obvious the moment he’d been human. The moment that he’d lost any control over the flood of hormones coursing through his body and the feelings that accompanied them, it had become utterly impossible to ignore. He wondered if Dean suspected how he felt?

He guessed not, because to be honest, the man he loved had the emotional intelligence of a rock a lot of the time. He couldn’t help the pang of longing that ached in his chest as he watched Dean sleep, though. Dean’s face was relaxed, and calm, and in the dim lighting Cas could just make out the faint smile on his upturned lips. 

Cas balled his hands at his side when the urge to touch Dean hit, and it hit hard. His fingers were itching with the need to slip into that dark golden hair, and run through it. Before he could stop himself, he found that he was kneeling on the floor next to Dean and his hand was reaching out to brush the hair off his forehead. 

Cas yanked his hand back like he’d been burned, and held his breath as he watched for any sign he’d woken Dean. When nothing but the soft sound of breathing met his ears for a long moment, he let out a soft sigh of relief. 

“I don’t know why you’re being so nice to me.” Cas confessed in a whisper, things he could never say when Dean was awake were fighting to tumble out of him, and he was tired of suppressing them. “I can’t help you like this. I can’t _do_ anything for you and I _want_ to do things for you. _Anything_ for you, but I have nothing to give. I’m nothing anymore. There’s no advantage to be gained with my help.” 

Cas had to suck in a breath as he felt the now familiar sensation of tears stinging at his eyes. He bit his lip as he tried to hold in a sob and his shoulders shook with the effort. His eyes locked onto the carpet in front of him, and the words began tumbling out again.

“You don’t need me, no one does. And everything is so messed up in here.” Cas continued quietly, motioning to his head, though Dean being asleep couldn’t see it. “I don’t know how humans handle all of these emotions constantly vying for attention. It’s hard, and exhausting and I don’t know how to stop it. Sometimes I feel like if I don’t touch you I’m going to die, and sometimes I feel like if I do touch you, I definitely will. It’s confusing. There should be some kind of manual.” 

Cas mumbled the last bit, and a hysterical laugh tried to work its way out of him, but he clamped down on it for fear of waking Dean. His eyes flashed up from the carpet to Dean’s face when a hand cupped his cheek, and he blanched when he saw those stupidly green eyes staring into his. 

“Dean,” He uttered, and it felt like a prayer or a plea, or something bigger than just a name. 

“S’okay Cas.” Dean soothed, voice thick with disuse as he slipped his hand down to tug Cas up. “C’mere.” 

Cas tilted his head, confused, but complied, sliding in next to Dean when he shifted back to make room. Dean pulled and pushed him into the position he wanted him in; Cas’s back to him, tucked snuggly against him, Dean’s arm over his waist, and holding him there. 

“I don’t _need_ anything from you, Cas.” Dean said soft and rough at the same time, and the heat of his breath on Cas’s ear made him shiver. “Just need _you._ ” 

“Why?” Cas asked confused even as his body reacted to the warmth of Dean wrapped all around him. 

“Sometimes you’re dumber’n you look Cas.” Dean replied with a sigh. “Don’t know how much more obvious you want me to be, man. Not like I cuddle with a lot of random dudes in the middle of the night y’know.” 

“I don’t… I don’t know what that means Dean?” Cas said, angry at himself for not getting it. 

“It means, you big idiot, that I love you, and I want you around for no other freakin’ reason than that I _want you around_. You don’t have ta do anything for me, Cas. Just be here _with_ me. Now can we stop talking and go to sleep?” Dean answered with a yawn as though Cas’s whole world hadn’t just changed. 

Cas could feel the parts of himself he’d been denying and covering up and twisting all click into place, secure around the knowledge that Dean Winchester loved him and wanted him, and it was better than divine forgiveness, it was better than anything he’d ever hoped, and it just _was_. 

“You love me?” Cas breathed, and rolled over to look in Dean’s eyes, because he _needed_ to see them when he said it. 

“Yeah, Cas. I’ve loved you for longer than I wanna admit. And if you don’t feel the same, it’s okay. But I thought you deserved to know that someone loves you and you don’t have ta be alone if you don’t wanna.” Dean replied gruffly. 

The rush of euphoria at Dean’s words left Cas breathless and he surged forward before he could stop himself, pressing his lips to Dean’s in a rush of lips and teeth and tongue that made every nerve ending he had sing to life. 

“I love you too.” Cas panted against his lips, and he felt Dean’s lips cuve into a smirk at the words. 

“I got that, Cas.” Dean teased, lips brushing Cas’s with each word. 


End file.
